Yesterday I was very impressed with J Flame's honesty and courage in blogging about being an alcoholic; it brought back many memories, starting with pain. Today I was impressed with Ginger's blog about "Pain is a sign of weakness leaving the body". And so thoughts began spinning in the whirlwind of my mind-a different type of pain but still apropos.

On January 26th I celebrated 20 years in recovery for alcoholism and narcotic addiction. I have vivid memories of the pain I caused for Meow and family, friends,co-workers and many innocent bystanders. I remember the pain of my emptiness that could not be filled and knowing I was totally controlled by addiction and was not-so-slowly committing suicide. I was at my bottom of my abyss. I knew I would die soon. During the first night in a "recovery ward" I had an indescribable spiritual experience that was life shattering and life altering.

And then came 30 days of "recovery". Six hours a day of "group therapy" for six days a week. That's when I had the continual pain of weakness leaving my body. The weaknesses of guilt, shame, anger (especially that wonderful righteous anger), dishonesty, greed, being a victim, pride, arrogance... the list went on and on. Group therapy relentlessly exposed these weaknesses and held them in my face until I had to let them go. Group therapy used the pain of my weaknesses to strip my soul bare for all to see.

But then came the deliciousness and joy of recovery. My Higher Power began to fill that emptiness. The 12 Steps and the Big Book lead me into a new way of thinking and living. AA's loved me from the first meeting on. I have never been to a 12 Step meeting that I haven't seen a miracle in a person's life. Many miracles have occurred in my life.

The pain of weaknesses still jabs me into awareness as I peel the layers of the proverbial "onion" of my soul. The Myers Briggs, The Enneagram, many spiritual and religious teachings all point to accepting and leaving weaknesses on a path of redemption.