Meow recently had several great comments on her blog, with the last one asking about her crying during a spanking. Meow and I are both responding. At first it was very difficult for Meow to cry, regardless of how hard the spanking was. I have seen a gradual progression of crying as she has been able to let go and let her frustrations, anxieties and fears flow out of her with the tears. I think this has taken extraordinary courage and strength. She is essentially baring her soul to me with nothing left to hide. She has to trust that I will continue to love her regardless of what she says or what she feels. She can be completely vulnerable and still be safe and accepted.
A while after her foot surgery we started to spank again and she had another breakthrough. She has lost her fear of the pain and accepts it in without reacting to it. She uses the pain as a trigger to release the "gunk". She also uses it to relax and enjoy the melding of our male/female energies into one and to enjoy the intimacy. As she has written she sometimes starts a joyful mantra. When we cuddle afterwards she often continues the release and relaxes into me enjoying our energies and our intimacy.
I have had a similar experience with a given situational pain. For decades I have had painful trigger points and spasms of entire muscle groups in my back. I have had a wonderful massage therapist who hasn't been afraid of "going too deep". Over time I lost my fear of the pain and knew what bliss I would feel at the end. When she starts working on a painful area I first tighten up and then relax some. As she keeps working on the area it becomes more and more painful. At some given point something triggers within me and I am able to accept the pain and completely relax the area. Even though she goes in even deeper I can simply accept the pain. It almost seems like an old friend coming back to me. I know that it is going to lead to such bliss when she is done. The only limit to the pain is when it gets so bad I am ready to vomit, and she backs off for a while.
This and That: A Late Summer Update
3 weeks ago