Thursday, July 21, 2011

In the Beginning...

I have been reviewing our early blogs and remembering those early days of TTWD.

I had an extremely dominant, sometimes raging, mother. My sister, Mom and I lived with her mother, in her mother's house. Dad lived there also but essentially, wasn't part of the family.  During the continuous arguments and raging Dad retreated physically and mentally. He loved us so much he put up with this hell and worked at a hellish job to support us. They both loved us to the greatest extent they could and sacrificed greatly for us. After I left for college and higher education and after Meow and I were married things changed. My sister, BIL, Meow and I started giving Dad the love and respect he deserved. He pretty much remained in his shell for the rest of his life, but he was loved and respected.

I behaved exacted like Dad did in my marriage. I always wanted to stand up for myself, but I just didn't seem to have the ability to do it. It made me very angry. After so many years of marriage Meow asked me to read a blog on DD and left to shop. She was so nervous she could hardly keep from shaking. After reading the blog I felt relief and exhilaration. And I was scared. After all these years, I knew what I needed to become and I needed the courage to do it. I also understood for the first time what Meow needed. She required times of submission and obedience to a dominant husband who spanked her. She needed a dominant husband to help her explore a new, scary world.

Growing up in the 40's, 50' and 60's, it was engrained in me to never, ever hit or injure a woman in any way. Anything like that was abuse. My mother abused my father verbally and physically in front of us-I knew what abuse was. In our light foreplay spanking I could never give Meow enough of what she wanted, even when she became angry that I wasn't forceful enough. Now, all of a sudden, it was my responsibility to spank my wife to tears, and beyond, because she wanted and needed it! I felt like I was in the middle of a "Charlie Foxtrot". What I feared the most, of course, was my anger. It seemed like a caged tiger, a very angry caged tiger. I knew that it could easily come out while spanking my wife and I wasn't sure I could control it.

I was able to let a little of the anger out, slowly, over time. I received so much love and encouragement from Meow. After a while I learned, in my gut, how spanking Meow was an expression of love from me. I learned to "feel" how she was responding and tailor the spanking to her needs. We both learned how our male and female energies were emerging and blending into a beautiful thing. Spanking has become an exquisite time of intimacy for us.

Loving, Ass-Spanking Husband.

10 comments:

kiwigirliegirl said...

It is always so good to hear from the HOH perspective. It must be so confusing and scary for him when first approached with this idea - as you said - most men are brought up to never ever hit a woman. But spanking is different to hitting and only after a lot of reading and research and talking can you discover that.
I know I love this. I could never go back to a relationship without DD. And although I know me and my hubby are only very new to this, I know its the best thing. It brings us so much closer together, respectful and loving and I feel so protected and cared for.

How does it make you as HOH feel?

PK said...

Thanks Lash. We women talk so much about what we need and what we want but we can only see it from our side. We really appreciate you blogging so that we have a better understanding of the other side.

PK

Daisychain said...

Bless you!
Thanks for sharing. It really does help to know what's going on in the ol' male brain, you know!
SOOOOOOOOOOOO glad you are back with us! Hugssssss, Daisy xxxxxxx

Kitty said...

Thanks for sharing your perspective! Glad you and Meow have a happy marriage now:)!

Kitty

Katherine said...

Lash,

Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. Although my husband didn't have the same background as you (his parents were very loving toward each other), he has felt the same way you did about "hitting" or "hurting" his wife, as he was raised to be a gentleman (which he is!)and to show respect to women (which he does!). He has also had the same concerns about anger that may come out and whether he would be able to control it -- control himself. He is a wonderful, loving man who is strong and yet gentle when he needs to be. I'm going to show him this post -- I'm sure he will relate and be relieved to know he is not alone. I, like Meow, have been trying to encourage him.

ronnie said...

Lash,

I'm glad your back. Thanks for this post.

Love,
Ronnie
xx

findingsara said...

Lash, It's always nice to hear a man's perspective. Thanks! Sara

Lash said...

Thanks to all of you who responded. Sorry this is late-I've been very busy at my volunteer job.Bloging isn't as easy for me as it is for Meow, but such a warm reception gives me confidence.

Kiwiirl, you were certainly correct about reading and research. I will be blogging on "how it makes me feel".

PK-I started blogging again for two reasons: to hopefully help other men out there and to maybe help women understand this one man's experience.

Daisy-It's always so good to hear from you!

Kitty-Yes, we do have a happy marriage now. It is wonderful!

Katherine-Thanks you for the word "gentleman". I try to live up to that term.

Ronnie-Thanks to loyal people like you I glad to be back.

Florida Dom said...

Thanks for blogging. It is good to get another male perspective and your comment about enjoying love and intimacy in retirement with Meow were very touching.

FD

Lash said...

Thanks FD, Yours is one of two blogs by men that I have started reading again. I hope to have another blog soon.