I have been reviewing our early blogs and remembering those early days of TTWD.
I had an extremely dominant, sometimes raging, mother. My sister, Mom and I lived with her mother, in her mother's house. Dad lived there also but essentially, wasn't part of the family. During the continuous arguments and raging Dad retreated physically and mentally. He loved us so much he put up with this hell and worked at a hellish job to support us. They both loved us to the greatest extent they could and sacrificed greatly for us. After I left for college and higher education and after Meow and I were married things changed. My sister, BIL, Meow and I started giving Dad the love and respect he deserved. He pretty much remained in his shell for the rest of his life, but he was loved and respected.
I behaved exacted like Dad did in my marriage. I always wanted to stand up for myself, but I just didn't seem to have the ability to do it. It made me very angry. After so many years of marriage Meow asked me to read a blog on DD and left to shop. She was so nervous she could hardly keep from shaking. After reading the blog I felt relief and exhilaration. And I was scared. After all these years, I knew what I needed to become and I needed the courage to do it. I also understood for the first time what Meow needed. She required times of submission and obedience to a dominant husband who spanked her. She needed a dominant husband to help her explore a new, scary world.
Growing up in the 40's, 50' and 60's, it was engrained in me to never, ever hit or injure a woman in any way. Anything like that was abuse. My mother abused my father verbally and physically in front of us-I knew what abuse was. In our light foreplay spanking I could never give Meow enough of what she wanted, even when she became angry that I wasn't forceful enough. Now, all of a sudden, it was my responsibility to spank my wife to tears, and beyond, because she wanted and needed it! I felt like I was in the middle of a "Charlie Foxtrot". What I feared the most, of course, was my anger. It seemed like a caged tiger, a very angry caged tiger. I knew that it could easily come out while spanking my wife and I wasn't sure I could control it.
I was able to let a little of the anger out, slowly, over time. I received so much love and encouragement from Meow. After a while I learned, in my gut, how spanking Meow was an expression of love from me. I learned to "feel" how she was responding and tailor the spanking to her needs. We both learned how our male and female energies were emerging and blending into a beautiful thing. Spanking has become an exquisite time of intimacy for us.
Loving, Ass-Spanking Husband.
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