Meow's Crying

Meow recently had several great comments on her blog, with the last one asking about her crying during a spanking. Meow and I are both responding. At first it was very difficult for Meow to cry, regardless of how hard the spanking was. I have seen a gradual progression of crying as she has been able to let go and let her frustrations, anxieties and fears flow out of her with the tears. I think this has taken extraordinary courage and strength. She is essentially baring her soul to me with nothing left to hide. She has to trust that I will continue to love her regardless of what she says or what she feels. She can be completely vulnerable and still be safe and accepted.

A while after her foot surgery we started to spank again and she had another breakthrough. She has lost her fear of the pain and accepts it in without reacting to it. She uses the pain as a trigger to release the "gunk". She also uses it to relax and enjoy the melding of our male/female energies into one and to enjoy the intimacy. As she has written she sometimes starts a joyful mantra. When we cuddle afterwards she often continues the release and relaxes into me enjoying our energies and our intimacy.

I have had a similar experience with a given situational pain. For decades I have had painful trigger points and spasms of entire muscle groups in my back. I have had a wonderful massage therapist who hasn't been afraid of "going too deep". Over time I lost my fear of the pain and knew what bliss I would feel at the end. When she starts working on a painful area I first tighten up and then relax some. As she keeps working on the area it becomes more and more painful. At some given point something triggers within me and I am able to accept the pain and completely relax the area. Even though she goes in even deeper I can simply accept the pain. It almost seems like an old friend coming back to me. I know that it is going to lead to such bliss when she is done. The only limit to the pain is when it gets so bad I am ready to vomit, and she backs off for a while.

LASH

In the Beginning...

I have been reviewing our early blogs and remembering those early days of TTWD.

I had an extremely dominant, sometimes raging, mother. My sister, Mom and I lived with her mother, in her mother's house. Dad lived there also but essentially, wasn't part of the family.  During the continuous arguments and raging Dad retreated physically and mentally. He loved us so much he put up with this hell and worked at a hellish job to support us. They both loved us to the greatest extent they could and sacrificed greatly for us. After I left for college and higher education and after Meow and I were married things changed. My sister, BIL, Meow and I started giving Dad the love and respect he deserved. He pretty much remained in his shell for the rest of his life, but he was loved and respected.

I behaved exacted like Dad did in my marriage. I always wanted to stand up for myself, but I just didn't seem to have the ability to do it. It made me very angry. After so many years of marriage Meow asked me to read a blog on DD and left to shop. She was so nervous she could hardly keep from shaking. After reading the blog I felt relief and exhilaration. And I was scared. After all these years, I knew what I needed to become and I needed the courage to do it. I also understood for the first time what Meow needed. She required times of submission and obedience to a dominant husband who spanked her. She needed a dominant husband to help her explore a new, scary world.

Growing up in the 40's, 50' and 60's, it was engrained in me to never, ever hit or injure a woman in any way. Anything like that was abuse. My mother abused my father verbally and physically in front of us-I knew what abuse was. In our light foreplay spanking I could never give Meow enough of what she wanted, even when she became angry that I wasn't forceful enough. Now, all of a sudden, it was my responsibility to spank my wife to tears, and beyond, because she wanted and needed it! I felt like I was in the middle of a "Charlie Foxtrot". What I feared the most, of course, was my anger. It seemed like a caged tiger, a very angry caged tiger. I knew that it could easily come out while spanking my wife and I wasn't sure I could control it.

I was able to let a little of the anger out, slowly, over time. I received so much love and encouragement from Meow. After a while I learned, in my gut, how spanking Meow was an expression of love from me. I learned to "feel" how she was responding and tailor the spanking to her needs. We both learned how our male and female energies were emerging and blending into a beautiful thing. Spanking has become an exquisite time of intimacy for us.

Loving, Ass-Spanking Husband.

Can't Help Lovin' that Woman of Mine

I was so overwhelmed by Meow's blog Thursday that I cried for a long time, and certainly couldn't blog then. It brought up so many years of hidden guilt and remorse, always feeling that I hadn't made the best decisions for my wife and children.

I've read Mick's and Stormy's blogs and comments. I identified so much with Mick's blog.
I have always felt that my profession was my "calling", what God intended me to do. After 4 years of post-doctoral training my profession was far more than just a job. I was torn between profession, wife, children and home for 38 years. So many hours with my peers whose goals were the McMansions, boats, planes, world travel, etc. augmented some of my own desires for these things. I usually did have the honesty to know that it wasn't all "just for my family". I knew I had my own demons about wanting those things too. It was always Meow's loving input about values that helped me make the good decisions that I did. Maybe there were times when Meow wasn't understanding about work, but she was always there with absolute support helping me make those very scary leaps of faith. I always knew that our marriage and family were far more important to her than money.

These past few months of retirement have been such a blessing. I cannot imagine ever again giving up our daily love and intimacy for money. Meow, you are really stuck with me now!  Love,  Lash